Wellness

Bullied by misconstrued content.

Do you write anonymously? If so, why?
Do you share your website with people in your life? If not, why?

I never thought I would have an issue with my writing and my direct network of people. 

WOW, was I wrong. And I am in desperate need of some type of comfort.

Of course everyone has a specific audience. I know I do, however, my writing is broad.
Because of what I’ve gone through in life, I focus on: love, appreciation, gratitude, travel, some sports content, maybe a little cooking – lifestyle type shit.

I’m in a transitional phase in life – fairly new move, working on different life projects…
ya know, trying to get “established”… AKA – find a damn sense of some type of stability. 

Has anyone transferred their writing from one blog to a new one, reactivated an old Facebook page to pull some good solid memorable content from there, how about – OPENING AN OLD JOURNAL and revisiting your younger mind written by pen on paper? That’s my fave.
I still journal, BUT, there’s nothing like reading and interpreting what the hell was going on through your mind years ago. 

This is something I’ve been wanting to do...life gets busy, I always put me aside.
It was a promise I kept to myself when I made this move to a foreign city to support my significant other’s career. I started little by little. Eventually, it’s what has kept me busy during the Covid-19 quarantine months. Sifting through old writings brought back intense emotions and bitter-sweet vivid memories.
Which shockingly kept me somewhat sane… and inspired me to get back to writing.

THEN….get this… 
this is serious – definitely not a joke… 
even though it’s unbelievable…

Long story short, my significant other attempted to tell someone [very close to him] that they upset him. Not a big deal, right? People upset people all the time… we’re humans, that’s life.
He had a plan to express how he feels, a solution for how to make it better, with a clear/calm state of mind and a goal to end the conversation with both sides feeling good – neither of us thought it was a big deal.

Sidenote: He claims, “that’s just not what I do, I keep everything to myself, nobody listens”

SO, here I am, (the terrible person I have been told I am) trying to break that “macho-male” mental health stigma. My attempt to stupidly support and encourage my other half in having a somewhat uncomfortable conversation. I don’t want to be sorry for encouraging him to be open.

Do you have someone in your life where you cannot tell them how you feel, because if you do, they take it so personally their mind blacks out and they’re not able to actually listen to you?
They only hear what they want to hear and they twist every word/sentence you say to something so irrelevant and negative that you actually can’t make any sense of it yourself?

Where a simple sentence like, “hey, this is bothering me that this keeps being said…” 
(sentence cut off and screaming begins)
With literally not another word allowed out except for, “please listen, you’re not hearing me, that’s not what I meant, you’re twisting the situation, just listen x1000)

Here’s where this post is coming from.

The scolding had nothing to do with what he was trying to express. It had nothing to do with him. She found an open opportunity to flip out and express her true feelings towards, well… me. 
“The torturing, terrible, girlfriend.”
Facebook posts were blaring through the speaker. 
I shit you not, ones that were reposted that originated from a 2016 Travel Journal that I wrote in when I didn’t even live in this country. There were appreciation posts from screen shotted “Thank-You’s” because I mean –  that’s what my writing stems around, feeling good by making other’s happy and pure gratitude. Some about supporting loved ones and not missing out on the good in life because I have family/friends who are all separated and it makes me sad sometimes. Posts about our relationship and supporting one another through everything, GOOD things.
I don’t know, general writing/blogging content but shortened for Facebook!

All of which, I have been told were written to “attack and torture” her. 
I’m sorry, WHAT ! ? ! ? but HOW ! ? ! ?
I truly have no energy to explain myself to anyone, BECAUSE, just… NO. It’s absurd.
We have so much going on in our life… (it’s overwhelming) Now, how could these made up scenarios in one’s head be a focal part of our life issues?
Especially when I show nothing but pure love to… everyone. 
To be scrutinized, yelled at, accused of and singled out. 

We both were blindsided. I mean, punched in the gut, heart left the body, is this real life!?

The things that were blaring through that phone were not okay. 
I can handle criticism, that was not criticism, I repeat, it was not okay.
Keep in mind, this is what has been going on in her mind for MONTHS, think about all the accumulated falsified information she has convinced herself and her surrounding company.

Including an additional time, my significant other tried to express how he feels by saying, He was mentally going through a challenging time and he couldn’t handle any negative pressure or conversations. [it came from his heart, his mind, it was his life situation – and more news to me: she blamed me and said we didn’t want her apart of his life.] WHAT? NO. That’s another story to tell. So stay tuned. BUT, to blame me?! Yes, I’m guilty of encouraging him to be open!
How can anyone say he’s not saying how he feels…………. when he’s saying how he feels. LOL
That does not even make sense. How about, just listen to what he’s actually saying for a change!?

(Nobody in which has even confronted me about ANY of this, AT ALL… since when is it a good idea to paint a terrible picture of a human who loves them, instead of discussing what they THOUGHT was happening directly with said human [me].  I guess it’s more fun to gossip, make up stories, accrue hatred instead? Seriously, I cannot explain how sick it makes me. The amount I’ve cried, thrown up, haven’t eaten, zero sleep… to think these people cared about me as much as I cared for them. How could all I’ve done and shown over the years not mean o n e s i n g l e thing!? Some days my other and I don’t even speak because he’s so mortified, and we’re both hurting while they are feeding off of each other – t e a r i n g me/us down.)

My god, was it a major mistake to include anyone in my direct life to be a part of my writing journey. 
I never want to show anyone I know my writing or projects ever again.

Since this has happened my life has been upside down. I haven’t felt this hurt in an extremely long time. I have been radiating negative energy, I have not been okay – in the slightest bit.

I need to know if anyone else has experienced their writing to get twisted like this.

I’ve talked to many people, all of which have said, 
“This is not your problem, it’s within them.”
“Don’t lose sight of who you are because they don’t love you for you”, 
“Don’t change who you are or what you believe in because of a few breaking you down”, 
“It’s only a few people who think this way about you, why are you allowing it to control you?”,
“Stop, you know this is insane – clearly they still don’t know you or care to know you”,
“You’re the most giving and loving human, to EVERY human, YOU KNOW THIS”,
“You are everyone’s light, you don’t need anyone who doesn’t appreciate who you are”.

My issue is I have a theory in life where I don’t agree with invalidating people’s feelings.
So foollishly, Yes, I did attempt to apologize, and I got threatened with nonsense and screamed at some more. I feel terribly that they convinced themselves this, along with being extremely insulted. I know I can’t control other people’s minds, but I feel so alone in this. 

I refuse to explain myself further because my writing [from my heart] is my own story to tell. 
I’ve always gotten incredible feedback. 
Unless I send a Direct Message or included an @insert_name it’s not “attacking/torturing” anyone. Nor does any of my personal writings have negative intentions, just lessons and experiences shared through a screen.

SO, anyone reading this, p l e a s e help and be of any comfort to me, I need support in this!

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