A common phrase we say is “you are not the only one”. So if you hear these words, it is far from dismissing emotions. Through training, through experience, through studies it has proven to be a phrase of comfort.
It is a phrase said in hopes that you find comfort in knowing that many others are feeling exactly how you are feeling. It may be under different circumstances and for different reasons but it is the same in emotion. AGAIN, we may all be feeling the same emotion even though we are dealing with different situations.
To clarify, try to remember that we are not all going through the SAME SITUATION. We all have different things to worry about, depending on each of our own separate lives, of course.
That makes sense, right?
But that’s just it, stop comparing your life to others lives. Stop comparing your situation to a family members or friends situation. Stop focusing on what your negative situation is and control your mind to not say “this person isn’t dealing with it, too” because that is totally irrelevant, on top of the fact that you are writing a story of someone else’s life when you don’t have that right to… because, well, you are not them.
You are in fact writing off what they’re going through – just because someone is not dealing with the same exact situation as you DOES NOT mean they are not feeling that same intense emotion that correlates to their life situation.
Please note: The person you may confide in, cry to, yell at, guilt trip, for “not doing what you need them to do for YOU” could be (most definitely, during this time) feeling the same emotions.
Do you have the ability to step back and recognize that fact?
In the best case scenario, ALWAYS, the most thoughtful and caring thing you could do for someone is simply ask “do you have the mental space to hear me vent?” BEFORE you release all of your emotion on someone else. BECAUSE they may not be able to handle another’s stresses on top of their own, in that moment of time.
During training to become a crisis counselor we were taught to come up with plans, to help an individual problem solve their own situations. This is done with guidance of course and skill to help them explore their brain and emotions. The goal here is to find the steps one must take to get to a happier state of mind. This entire process is done because that individual texted into the Crisis Textline in the middle of them having a mental breakdown, this was their way of seeking help.
We are taught to help people self explore by using certain phrases or by having normal authentic conversation because we want to help find what calms them and what brings them peace. The goal is to always have a mental health self care plan. Again, Keep in mind – we are doing this all while they are in a mental crisis situation. You are able to do this before you reach crisis mode.
So if you find someone giving suggestions of things to do that make YOU happy and talking through multiple different scenarios to help you – it is not writing you off in a sense of not caring. A main goal everyone should have in life is to be able to turn anxiety or any type of negative feelings into your happiness and have the ability to change your mental state from crisis mode to okay/happy mode. TRUST ME, I know it is MUCH easier said than done. And some situations will be harder than others.
But, It is NOT possible for OTHERS to give/control your happiness nor is it humane to put the pressure on others that they are your happiness. Each and every one of us holds happiness within us. Happiness is a state of mind. It is our OWN responsibility to be able to pull that happiness out of a black hole when needed. It is our own responsibility to FIND the light in a dark tunnel.
We are all going through an extremely difficult time – maybe you have not noticed what others are going through because you are swallowed in your emotions (understandably so).
But, I have witnessed strangers helping strangers, communities coming together, a greater appreciation for workers and people who have always deserved the love and recognition they’re just receiving now.
And most importantly, the ones we love will always be there for us, will ALWAYS do whatever they can to help lighten any load, and will always want the absolute very best. That’s all natural, that’s what LOVE is, right?
So when you are going through a hard time or when you are in a negative mental state – please do not harm yourself by convincing yourself that you are alone, misunderstood, you aren’t cared about, and that nobody is there for you or doing enough for you. Please do not poison your own mind with fabricated lies.
Be kind to yourself and to all.
You are not the only one.
Happiness is found WITHIN us not GIVEN to us.
We DO feel the same emotions but may be dealt with different scenarios.
Ask first BEFORE venting, to avoid overwhelming a loved one.
Use the resources that are available to you.
Be appreciative, be grateful, and most importantly be kind.